As it stands, I don’t drink.
Everything I do drink is non alcoholic.
Why does it seem to be so socially and linguistically necessary to frame drinking anything other than alcohol as not, or non?
I have never been into not doing shit. Especially fun, socially dangerous shit.
Just ask my relationship with food.
In order to be comfortable with not drinking I can’t continue to think of myself as a not. As if I’m not joining in. As if I’m missing out. As if I’m not a grown up. As if I’m not OK.
I think I can be all of these things, as long as these damn social semantics don’t get me down.
I am not however, hiding from alcohol. I love alcohol (clearly). I love spending time with friends and babes when they’re drinking. I like pubs, restaurants, dancing, weddings, parties and rarely festivals. So one thing I’m not, is hiding from drink, or shrinking from it, I’m looking at it, talking to it and thinking about it.
We used to have the best time together, booze and I, reunited most evenings, it would congratulate , encourage and pacify me in my most intensely Kate Bush meets Bette Middler kinetic and/or frantic moments. But it kind of fucked me over too — stole me from myself and from the people I love.
So for me, not drinking is not a negative but it does represent a loss (otherwise it would be easy).
I’m working to reframe this shift as a positive negative. I’m figuring out how to be Kate/Bette without the theft. I’m admiring but avoiding, fighting and flirting with my fabulous monster.